Holding the Missing: Navigating Grief Through the Holidays
The holidays can be a season of light and celebration, but they can also be a season of absence. The not-there-ness of loved ones no longer with us can ache so deeply at these times of togetherness and celebration. Their place at the table (whether it’s set or not) is empty. Their voice, an echo in our memories. Traditions feel incomplete without them – all reminders that someone we love is not here.
Grief doesn’t follow a calendar. It doesn’t pause for holiday cheer. This time of year grief can feel louder, sharper, more present. Sometimes it can feel as though you have no skin, as though the world’s brightness and noise are too much to bear. Hugs from alive loved ones can feel almost painful – and that’s not because those alive aren’t loved or wanted – it just punctuates the missing. Sometimes, the most loving thing you can do for yourself is to give yourself permission to cocoon. To retreat from the brightness and noise, to create a small, safe space where you can feel your grief without pressure or apology. Cocooning doesn’t mean avoiding life or closing yourself off forever – it simply honours that, in this moment, your heart needs quiet, gentle care.
You might light a candle for those you miss, play music that reminds you of them, or hold a cup of something warm while you sit with memories. You might let yourself cry, or sit in stillness. Perhaps you write a letter to them, or revisit old photos and stories. These acts are not duties – they are invitations to meet your grief with tenderness.
It’s also okay to step into the world when you feel ready. To join in celebrations, to laugh, to share a meal. You can hold both presence and absence at the same time – the warmth of connection alongside the ache of loss. Grief and joy can coexist, even if it feels paradoxical.
If you find yourself overwhelmed, remind yourself that this is normal. There’s no “right” way to grieve, and there’s no timeline. Your feelings are valid, just as they are, and your body and heart know what they need. Sometimes that’s space, sometimes company, sometimes ritual, sometimes nothing at all.
Above all, be gentle with yourself. Honour your rhythms. Honour the quiet corners of your heart. This season may bring absence, but it can also be a time of tender remembrance, of love stretching across time and space, and of small, intentional moments that nurture you from within.
Hi, I'm Vania Phitidis.
I'm a counsellor and therapist who is passionate about helping people navigate the quiet, meaningful shifts that lead to a more peaceful and connected life.
What I’ve come to realise is that lasting change doesn’t come from trying harder or being more disciplined — it comes from slowing down, listening inward, and gently untangling the stories we’ve been carrying for far too long.
My counselling and therapy is a space where you can pause, reflect, and reconnect with yourself in a compassionate and supportive way. Whether you’re facing emotional overwhelm, navigating life transitions, or simply longing for a quieter mind, I’d be honoured to walk alongside you on that journey.
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