How to Spot a Good Therapist (and the Red Flags to Run From)
Therapy is supposed to be a place where you feel safe, heard, and supported. But not everyone calling themselves a “therapist” is safe – or even qualified.
In many countries, including the UK, the title “therapist” or “counsellor” isn’t legally protected. That means literally anyone can call themselves one – whether they’ve done years of rigorous training… or a weekend workshop and a Canva logo.
Some people skip training altogether and leap straight into working with vulnerable people, convinced they can “just wing it” because they think they’re naturally sensitive, perceptive, or “good with people.” Others might have had a few sessions of therapy themselves and decide they’re ready to sit in the other chair.
Here’s the truth: competence is more than thinking you’re intuitive. It’s training, practice, ethical grounding, and an ongoing commitment to your own learning and self-awareness. And therapy is much more than “having a chat,” “catching up,” or a casual “check-in.” Those might feel supportive, but real therapy involves structured techniques, professional boundaries, and a focus on evidence-based change.
If you’re looking for a therapist, it’s worth knowing what to look for – and what to avoid – especially if you want to steer clear of the grandiose, self-appointed “healers” who can do more harm than good.
Red Flags: When to Be Cautious
Watch out for these warning signs, especially if they come with a whiff of grandiosity:
- They make it all about them – constantly sharing their own experiences without checking if it’s useful for you.
- They give unsolicited advice – telling you what you “should” do, rather than helping you explore your own way forward.
- They talk more than they listen – and when they do listen, it’s only so they can talk again.
- They seem certain they can help you with anything – no nuance, no awareness of limits, no willingness to refer on.
- They dismiss the value of training or supervision – or worse, have none at all.
- They speak in sweeping, self-aggrandising terms – “I can handle any problem” or “I’m just naturally gifted at this” without evidence.
- They treat therapy like a casual conversation – if they confuse therapy with general chatting, they may not understand the professional responsibilities involved.
Grandiosity and lack of understanding in a therapist aren’t just irritating – they can be dangerous. When someone believes they’re above the need for training, supervision, or boundaries, they’re more likely to cause harm (and less likely to recognise it when they do).
Green Flags: Signs of a Skilled, Safe Therapist
Even with qualifications, a good fit is essential. Look for:
- Formal training and client-facing hours – they should be able to outline their education and experience.
- Membership in a professional body – BACP, UKCP, BABCP, etc., for ethical oversight.
- Regular supervision – they should discuss cases with a more experienced practitioner.
- Clear understanding of limits – knowing what they can and can’t safely handle.
- Willingness to receive feedback – able to hear concerns without defensiveness.
- Attentive listening – creating a space for you to be fully heard, not dominated.
- Comfortable rapport – you should feel safe and understood.
Questions to Ask Before You Start Therapy
- What formal training do you have?
- Are you a member of a professional body?
- Do you receive regular supervision?
- What is your area of expertise – and what isn’t?
- How do you handle crises or complex issues?
- Can I give feedback during sessions?
- Do we feel like a fit?
Even with training and supervision, the right fit matters. Therapy only works if you feel safe, understood, and supported. If a therapist meets the basics but you don’t feel comfortable, it may not be the right match for you.
Choosing Wisely
Even with solid qualifications, regular supervision, and years of experience, a therapist might still not be the right fit for you. Therapy is personal – you deserve to feel comfortable and safe. But those basics are a starting point. Without them, you’re stepping into risky territory before you’ve even begun.
Your wellbeing is too important to hand over to someone whose confidence outweighs their competence. Ask questions. Check qualifications. Notice how you feel in their presence.
And if you smell even a hint of grandiosity? Run.
Hi, I'm Vania Phitidis.
I'm a counsellor and therapist who is passionate about helping people navigate the quiet, meaningful shifts that lead to a more peaceful and connected life.
What I’ve come to realise is that lasting change doesn’t come from trying harder or being more disciplined — it comes from slowing down, listening inward, and gently untangling the stories we’ve been carrying for far too long.
My counselling and therapy is a space where you can pause, reflect, and reconnect with yourself in a compassionate and supportive way. Whether you’re facing emotional overwhelm, navigating life transitions, or simply longing for a quieter mind, I’d be honoured to walk alongside you on that journey.
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