Why I Don’t Believe in “Excuses”: A Counsellor’s Perspective
You won’t hear me talk about “excuses” in the counselling room.
Not because I think people are always doing what they want to do, or because I think change is easy – but because I don’t believe that judging someone’s reasons helps them grow.
In fact, I don’t really believe in the idea of excuses at all.
As a counsellor, I often hear people say things like:
“I know it’s just an excuse.”
“I should be able to do this by now.”
“I’m just being lazy.”
But what’s often called an “excuse” is usually something much more human: A need. A fear. A form of self-protection. A nervous system doing what it knows to do.
What if it’s not an excuse, but an attempt to cope?
When someone struggles to do the thing they want to do (apply for a job, set a boundary, make a change) it’s easy to assume they’re avoiding it. But as a therapist, I’ve found that most avoidance has a reason.
Once we look a little deeper, the behaviour often makes sense:
- Are you exhausted or burned out?
- Is there anxiety, fear, or overwhelm?
- Are you holding a lot, with no space to rest?
- Is your nervous system trying to keep you safe?
In counselling, we explore these questions without judgment.
Because real change comes from understanding, not from shame.
Like “self-sabotage,” it’s often self-protection in disguise.
People sometimes talk about “self-sabotage” as if they’re getting in their own way. But what looks like sabotage is often an attempt to meet an unmet need. Safety. Control. Belonging. Dignity.
“Excuses” work the same way. They’re usually coping strategies – imperfect, maybe, but still trying to help. Even procrastination or people-pleasing can be seen as ways the mind and body try to protect us.
In therapy, we don’t push these strategies away. We get curious about what they’re doing for you—and what else might be possible.
What if we gave people (and ourselves!) the benefit of the doubt?
What if, instead of labelling something as an excuse, we asked:
- What am I protecting?
- What feels too vulnerable right now?
- What matters to me that isn’t being named?
This isn’t about avoiding responsibility, it’s about building a deeper relationship with yourself. That’s the kind of growth I support in my counselling practice: the kind that honours your complexity.
In counselling, your reasons are welcome.
You don’t need to justify yourself. If something feels hard, it’s not a failure. There’s a reason. And in therapy, we can explore that together.
Whether you’re navigating anxiety, low self-esteem, burnout, or simply feeling stuck, I offer a calm, non-judgmental space to make sense of your experience. There are no “excuses” here—only understandable human responses.
Hi, I'm Vania Phitidis.
I'm a counsellor and therapist who is passionate about helping people navigate the quiet, meaningful shifts that lead to a more peaceful and connected life.
What I’ve come to realise is that lasting change doesn’t come from trying harder or being more disciplined — it comes from slowing down, listening inward, and gently untangling the stories we’ve been carrying for far too long.
My counselling and therapy is a space where you can pause, reflect, and reconnect with yourself in a compassionate and supportive way. Whether you’re facing emotional overwhelm, navigating life transitions, or simply longing for a quieter mind, I’d be honoured to walk alongside you on that journey.
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